The House That Built Me

"I thought if I could touch this place or feel it

This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else

I thought that maybe I could find myself

If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave

Won’t take nothing but a memory

From the house that built me"

My favorite song currently is "The House That Built Me" by Miranda Lambert.  This song has captured something in me.  An unexpected connection and emotion. 

I haven't blogged since Halloween 09.  I had this intention to use "Confessions" as my outlet.  Something restricts me from allowing the words to flow.   This is new for me, I've never had a hard time putting thoughts into words, and writing them down.  I have however been reading blogs addictively.  I find myself reading a friends blog, and then being connected to stranger after stranger by clicking the links of the original bloggers "favorites" list and so on and so on.

I've always been interested in other peoples experiences.  As a kid I absolutely learned a large portion of the major consequences of typical "kid"mistakes by watching others experience them.  Sometimes I long to experience the thrill of being more of a "doer", but so it goes, I AM an observer. 

As things have changed rapidly since Halloween, I have been observing like I do.  Everyone I meet, people I used to know, strangers on the TV and every once in a while, myself.  Myself in present and in past.

Obviously "the house that built me(or you)" can be many things.  Maybe is was the little house you grew up in.  Maybe it was your house of God.  Maybe it was the school you learned in.  Or maybe it was just the arms of the people who loved you.  Whatever it was, somewhere, early on, the building blocks of you were laid and will be a part of you forever.

I have observed, that we are all a little broken.  It is something that connects us.  It can be a beautiful connection.  One of understanding and compassion. 

I have learned that the house that built me was a collection of all those things above.  Although on days when I feel a little broken, I've found that the home I have built for my family, the lovely arms that wrap around me, the lessons that come from the breaking: contribute to building a whole new me.  It is is my favorite discovery to date.

Life evolves, as do we and I have come to understand the importance of change.  Today anyway.

Confession: I laughed out loud at a naked Seattle Seahawk

I used to say it was the most unprofessional moment of my career as an Esthetician.  I won't name names but this particular Seahawk, wasn't very good and wasn't very famous, but strutted and swaggered as if he was.  I was not impressed.  He chose a hydro treatment to begin his spa evening.  All was well until I gave my routine speech while holding his robe behind him as a privacy curtain:

"Go ahead and get in the tub while I use your robe for privacy, once you are in, place the towel on the side of the tub, over your waist and let me know when you are ready." 

"OK I'm ready" (he decided against the towel.)

This was not the part that made me laugh.  I was completely used to guests feeling comfortable in the spa setting to go with out the cover up.  Whatever.  He continued....

"How many people you think we could fit in dis tub?, maybe me and someone about your size"

I took it in stride gave a little smirk, and turned to the computerized controls of the Hydro tub. 

It malfunctioned.  It started to drain, the full spectrum lighting started to dance, and here I was staring him right in the.....face.

 I went hysterical.  I'm not talking momentarily, I'm talking absolutely uncontrollably, shoulders up and down LAUGHING at this 6' 6" naked man who'd just asked me to join him in the Hydro tub.  I turned to compose myself, I turned back to him staring blankly at me, must have been a first for him. 

I fixed the damn tub, I even went back in 20 minutes later for the full body lotion application. 

He never booked with me again.

These are just a few of the fun things that I think about when I remember that time in my life.  I have since moved on from the world of serving others skin care needs.
As it turned out, 5 years into it I had become a manager, a counselor, a babysitter (not for the staff) and anything else I could think of to please my employer and at the end of the day I had nothing left. 

I learned many lessons from that experience.  Some of them strengthened me, some of them hardened me, some of them filled me with joy, and some of the broke my heart.  But I wouldn't take any of them back. 

I am so looking forward to the continued lessons I have ahead.

An outlet

I had no idea how many amazing people were blogging.  I've been inspired.  Thanks to my lovely friend Tahni, you've ignited my need for expression and I have missed it.

"Estho Queen" isn't really who I am anymore, but it's still a part of me.  A first career, a stepping stone to adulthood, a foundation.  

I'm hoping my blog will draw out the things I've wanted to say for too long.  Jog the memories I wish to relive, and catch the daily joys I fear I will forget.